NutSAK Analysis: Super Bowl XLIII

In analyzing several matchups, I'll hope to find a clear winner in what is a very intriguing clash of philosophies and styles.

PITTSBURGH RUN OFFENSE VS. ARIZONA RUN DEFENSE

As good as Willie Parker was two weeks ago against San Diego, he was horrible against Baltimore. I get that the Ravens have a great defense. But 47 yards? That on top of a year where he ran for under 800 yards doesn't bode well against a unit that isn't tremendous, but one that has improved for the past several weeks. Also, look for the Arizona blitz to throw off Pittsburgh's mediocre line, their only true weakness.

ADVANTAGE: Arizona

PITTSBURGH PASS OFFENSE VS. ARIZONA SECONDARY

On paper, this should be a mismatch in Pittsburgh's favor. However, Hines Ward is questionable, and there have been rumblings of Ben Roethlisberger not being 100%. Fortunately, the Steelers have a ton of depth. Santonio Holmes and Heath Miller are both reliable targets, and while Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie is no slouch, he can't be everywhere.

ADVANTAGE: Pittsburgh

ARIZONA RUN OFFENSE VS. PITTSBURGH RUN DEFENSE

Pittsburgh is the Steel Curtain for a reason. As good as Edgerrin James and Tim Hightower have been lately, the Steelers present a completely-different obstacle. Anything gotten out of those two tomorrow will be icing on the cake for the Cardinals.

ADVANTAGE: Pittsburgh

ARIZONA PASS OFFENSE VS. PITTSBURGH SECONDARY

There's a reason the Cardinals stunned the football world, and it's four-fold. Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin, and Steve Breaston formed the league's most-feared passing attack, and Pittsburgh's zeroed-in on stopping it. However, as hard as their safeties hit, their corners are vulnerable, and the Arizona offensive line is pretty solid.

ADVANTAGE: Arizona

THE PICK

So much for finding a clear winner in this mess. Yet again, doesn't EVERY Super Bowl look great in the days leading up to it? Ultimately, though, I think that if Roethlisberger or Ward cannot be 100%, it'll be too much to overcome. I'll take the Cardinals in this toss-up.

FINAL SCORE: Arizona 27, Pittsburgh 24

A link-dump-ish post

Been a few days, but I'm back with a vengeance (and a TON of links to some cool, media-related stuff).

1) I've been tapped as the new producer and voice of Bomber Nation, a podcast covering all things Ithaca College sports. To view the first two podcasts of the semester (and for future podcasts, which will be uploaded every Wednesday), click this link: http://theithacan.org/podcasts/bombernation/

2) In other communications news, I've been tapped as the Thursday night anchor of Sports Final, the sports section of our local news program here at Ithaca College Television. We stream all our stuff online, and you can watch the live feed here: http://ictv.org/sections/webcast/livewebcast.php . The show is on at 7:00 PM eastern, and the show is also broadcast on Tuesdays and Sundays, with Sports Final getting half an hour at 8:00 in the weekend timeslot.

3) Finally, if you want to hear myself and fellow IC blogger Josh Canu's voices, you'll get a chance on Tuesday, as the two of us will be calling an Ithaca College women's basketball game. The game will be broadcast on VIC Radio, which is an online-only station at this link: http://www.vicradio.org . Tip-off is at 6 PM eastern.

WHAT THE HELL, BRET?!

We start off with a bang, as former (tasteful) model gets rushed to the hospital. The girls actually show some heart here, and Bret visits her in the hospital. Like Willis McGahee, she will not return. Rats; she was OK.

While he's there, the girls find out they're going to Chicago. In true Brazilian fashion the Brazilian opens the tequila. Oh dear. They go into a casino's auditorium, where the challenge is for the women, all of whom are scantily-clad, to dismantle a concert set. The girls run up to the set, and hilarity ensues...that is, before snobby Penthouse pet takes a SICK bump off the stage after doing pretty much everything asked of her. Everyone cringes, but she COMPLETELY no-sells it and springs back up, all the while crying through her tasks.

The rest of the task is sort of a mess, but the winners are two Blontourage girls, tattooed brunette, Brazilian, and pseudo ice-skating brunette. One of the members of the losing team will get randomly selected for VIP access as well...and it's blonde from Utah. So the winners go up to the stage, while the losers watch from the cheap seats. The highlight: The Brazilian gives a gift originally from Bret to her to fans. Impressively low-class; you know that if it was tequila, you'd have to grab it from her cold, dead hands.

So everyone parties, and ice-skating brunette strikes up a conversation with Bret's drummer. And she kisses him. Hoo boy. Of course, this is a no-no with the Blontourage, and a brawl breaks out on the casino floor. Joey Styles?

CATFIGHT!!! CATFIGHT!!!

It turns into a she said-she said fight, and naturally nobody's in a friendly mood. It carries over to breakfast, and at lunch, the issues spill out with Bret in the room. Bret finds out the dirt on Brazilian and ice-skater, and we head to eliminations. We come down to Brazilian, ice-skating kisser, and another girl...and Brazilian goes home.

WHAT THE HELL? Bret, I recap your shows, I find humor in the absurd, and you eliminate two sources of unintentional comedy in the past two shows? And there's two more weeks until the latest episode? This season had some promise, but the past two episodes have been sort of hit-and-miss (even on the bad scale to which I enjoy it).

1/23 NFL Mock Draft

Again, this is going by what NFL GM's SHOULD do, not what they WILL do. Most of the first half of the round is unchanged, but there are some big shake-ups given all the marquee underclassmen who returned to school.

1. Detroit (0-16): Rey Maualuga, LB, USC
Rationale: No, they aren't trading the pick. Maualuga wreaked havoc in the Rose Bowl, and is unquestionably the best defensive player in the draft following Brian Orakpo's performance in the Fiesta Bowl. The Lions could still trade down if a good offer comes their way, but for now, they upgrade their defense.

2. St. Louis (2-14): Andre Smith, OT, Alabama
Rationale: Has anyone's stock ever soared THIS much after a suspension? 'Bama looked hopeless against Utah, and it's because Smith wasn't there to protect John Parker Wilson and the running backs. He comes in and works alongside Orlando Pace to form a tough O-line.

3. Kansas City (2-14): Malcolm Jenkins, CB, Ohio State
Rationale: Brian Orakpo may still go here, but after how badly he performed against OSU in the Rose Bowl, I think KC goes a different direction for now. Orakpo can redeem himself at the Combine, but he's got some work to do.

4. Seattle (4-12): Michael Oher, OT, Ole Miss
Rationale: Taking two OT's in the top four is painful, but Oher fills a need here. Steve Hutchinson left several years ago, and nobody's stepped up to take his place. Michael Crabtree could also go here if Seattle finds a nice prospect at the second round level, but OT is a more pressing need.

5. Cleveland (4-12): Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas
Rationale: With Eric Mangini coming to town, Cleveland needs edge-rushers. That's exactly what Orakpo is, and the Browns are delighted he fell this far despite a subpar Fiesta Bowl.

6. Cincinnati (4-11-1): James Laurinaitis, LB, Ohio State
Rationale: This is an interesting pick. The Bengals could be in the mix to trade up to #1, as it's not clear whether Palmer will fully recover and Fitzpatrick is NOT a starting quarterback. Assuming they don't, the hometown boy would make a nice fit on defense.

7. Oakland (5-11): Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech
Rationale: Al Davis loves star power, and there isn't a more exciting player in the draft than Crabtree. He fills a big need in Oakland, and could give the rocket arm of JaMarcus Russell a great target to throw to.

8. Jacksonville (5-11): Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia
Rationale: Look for Jacksonville to try to move this pick at some point. They can't get Crabtree at this spot the way this plays out, and Mays staying at USC really puts them in a tough spot. For now, they protect Garrard, whose interception total soared from 3 in 2007 to 13 in '08.

9. Green Bay (6-10): Aaron Curry, LB, Wake Forest
Rationale: Curry's stock has shot up as of late, and with the two other marquee linebackers off the board, he's the best fit here. Green Bay's defense couldn't hold a lead to save their lives, and Curry should step in right away to help patch it up.

10. San Francisco (7-9): Jason Smith, OT, Baylor
Rationale: All the offensive linemen are really demolishing my will to do these drafts, and I feel somewhat comfortable predicting at least one will bust. There's no doubt, though, that SF needs protection, both in the running and passing games. Smith is the best one available, and scouts love his footwork.

11. Buffalo (7-9): Michael Johnson, DE, Georgia Tech
Rationale: Aaron Schobel's been hurt, but there's still no excuse for the backups being THIS horrendous. Johnson's a freak at 6'7", 265, and should disrupt plenty of plays.

12. Denver (8-8): Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia
Rationale: Javon Ringer and/or Chris Wells could also go here, but Moreno's more consistent than they are. Denver desperately needs a franchise running back to usher in the post-Shanahan era, and Moreno's got the talent to leap up the depth chart right away.

13. Washington (8-8): Everette Brown, DE, Florida State
Rationale: Washington could take Duke Robinson or reach for a tackle, but Brown already has talent and could learn from Jason Taylor, one of the best of his era at defensive end. Ultimately, I think that's too much to pass up.

14. New Orleans (8-8): William Moore, S, Missouri
Rationale: Moore didn't have a great senior year, but he's still the best defensive back available. This comes as good news to a team that DESPERATELY needs speed in the secondary.

15. Houston (8-8): Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland
Rationale: Part of me considered Mark Sanchez here, as Matt Schaub, while solid and still in his prime, is injury-prone (he's missed 10 games combined during the past 2 seasons). However, they could also use a capable receiver opposite the equally-injury-prone Andre Johnson.

16. San Diego (8-8): Percy Harvin, WR, Florida
Rationale: This is actually a very good scenario for both teams. San Diego's in desperate need for a game-changer on offense with LDT declining, and Harvin should be used well by Norv Turner.

17. New York Jets (9-7): Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois
Rationale: The Jets could take playmaking wideout Jeremy Maclin, but they could easily wait a round or two to find a receiver. Instead, I think they bolster their pass defense with Davis, a guy with temper issues but a high ceiling (some say he could be even better than Malcolm Jenkins).

18. Chicago (9-7): Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri
Rationale: On the other hand, the situation's much more dire in Chicago. Simply put, Kyle Orton needs a guy with soft hands to throw to, and Maclin's one of the best on the board who fills a definite need.

19. Tampa Bay (9-7): Mark Sanchez, QB, USC
Rationale: I'd never been high on Sanchez until the Rose Bowl, where he diced a good Penn State defense on a national stage. He's not the most exciting QB, he doesn't have the biggest arm, and he may not develop into a star, but Sanchez is a reliable guy who won't make too many mistakes despite his inexperience.

20. Detroit - from Dallas (9-7): Duke Robinson, G, Oklahoma
Rationale: Unfortunately, some of the top-tier defensive players don't fall here anymore. Still, Robinson is the best guard prospect in the draft by leaps and bounds. He'll never be a tackle, but he helps shore up a lousy front line in the Motor City.

21. Philadelphia (9-6-1): Alex Mack, C, California
Rationale: After Brent Celek caught 10 passes against Arizona, the tight end situation looks a lot more promising. Mack is clearly the best center in the draft, and he's an instant upgrade on the o-line for a coach who loves to draft big guys.

22. Minnesota (10-6): Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia
Rationale: Anything's an upgrade over Tarvaris Jackson. Stafford's got a nice, strong arm, and he'll have a franchise running back in the backfield to take some of the pressure off of him. I'm not totally sold on him, but this isn't a bad situation for him to be in.

23. New England (11-5): D.J. Moore, CB, Vanderbilt
Rationale: Simply put, you could trot Deion Sanders out there and he'd compete for a job in this secondary. Moore is the best corner available, and given NE's performance in pass coverage, I think the Pats need him here.

24. Atlanta (11-5): Sen'Derrick Marks, DT, Auburn
Rationale: If Atlanta wants to build upon their success this year, they need to improve their run defense. Marks was the lone good part of Auburn's terrible season, and he'll be a very good pro.

25. Miami (11-5): Trevard Lindley, CB, Kentucky
Rationale: Miami needs secondary help. I had them taking Moore for quite a while, but with the defections from the draft, Lindley's the best defensive back available at this point.

26. Baltimore (11-5): Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State
Rationale: This is an easy pick with all the first-round wideouts off the board. Pettigrew isn't only a good blocker, but he provides Joe Flacco with a big target in the midrange passing game, so he's a perfect fit.

27. Indianapolis (12-4): B.J. Raji, DT, Boston College
Rationale: Indy's interior run defense is just plain terrible. Raji's stock has risen with the defection of Terrence Cody and great performances at Senior Bowl workouts, so he's a natural fit with a team that could use him.

28. Philadelphia - from Carolina (12-4): Aaron Maybin, DE/OLB, Penn State
Rationale: In looking at this defense, nobody in the front seven stands out as a star. Maybin's a bit of a tweener, but he plays hard and puts pressure on opposing quarterbacks. His being a sophomore hurts his status somewhat, but if he drops here, look out for Philly to pull the trigger on the local pass-rusher.

29. New York Giants (12-4): Chris Wells, RB, Ohio State
Rationale: Wells fell out of the first round of some of my previous drafts, but comes back in due to the large number of defections. He's injury-prone, but he's got a good combination of power and speed. If he turns out to be a faster Brandon Jacobs, which he looks to be, Tom Coughlin and Co. will be perfectly happy.

30. Tennessee (13-3): Clint Sintim, LB, Virginia
Rationale: Another returnee from my first few drafts. The drop from Raji to the rest of the DT's is pretty substantial, and while they could go younger at either QB or WR, Sintim is a versatile linebacker who can play inside or outside in any system, and his 11 sacks in 10 games should say it all about his ability to bust up plays in the backfield.

31. Arizona (9-7): Javon Ringer, RB, Michigan State
Rationale: Arizona has no worries about Wells being off the board, as they've already got a quasi-power back in Tim Hightower. Ringer should be the dash to Hightower's smash, and with both being young, they've got time to mesh together. This could go in a different direction if Edgerrin James re-signs with the club, but that doesn't look probable right now.

32. Pittsburgh (12-4): Eben Britton, OT, Arizona
Rationale: Britton's the last of the marquee tackles in the draft, and Pittsburgh is more than happy to take him here. At 6'6", 310, he's a force, and one Pittsburgh needs in protecting Ben Roethlisberger, who's been on his back more times than any quarterback in the past several seasons.

Manny Ramirez

Very few people in professional sports are as polarizing as Manny Ramirez. There's no question that he and Alex Rodriguez are the premier right-handed hitters of our generation, but there's also no question that the man is a freaking basket case. He punched his own ticket out of Boston, only to completely and utterly tear up National League pitching with the Dodgers while playing in a park known for being a nightmare for power hitters.

He's a free agent now, and agent Scott Boras is trying to get as much money for him as possible. But there's a catch. Manny will turn 37 this May, and there's no way on Earth any sane GM will give him the four-year deal Boras is reportedly demanding. The Dodgers reportedly offered him a lucrative two-year deal, which makes sense, but nothing further has come of it in the past few months.

So what teams would be good fits for Manny? Let's take a look at a few.

TAMPA BAY: From a structural standpoint, this makes sense. The defending AL champs have a bunch of young talent, such as Evan Longoria and B.J. Upton, but a lack of true veteran leadership ultimately cost them in the World Series. Cliff Floyd may be a great clubhouse guy, but he won't lead by example on the field anymore. Manny will, and who WOULDN'T be interested in seeing how guys like Longoria and Upton learn from Ramirez at the plate?

CLEVELAND: Manny started his career here, and they could use him again. Last year, they won 81 games despite injuries to Victor Martinez and Travis Hafner, both of whom are part of the heart of their lineup. If they add Manny, and put him in the middle of the lineup next to those two and Grady Sizemore, you've got a really explosive offensive team. Add that in with a fine pitching staff, and you've got a bonafide contender.

FLORIDA: Their infield became the first in major league history to have four 20-homer guys (Mike Jacobs, Dan Uggla, Hanley Ramirez, Jorge Cantu). Their outfield, though, is remarkably punchless. Cameron Maybin is a phenomenal prospect, and learning from Manny at the plate could be a great experience.

CINCINNATI: Simply put, they're the Reds. They dealt both Ken Griffey, Jr., and Adam Dunn this past year, leaving them with zip in the way of offensive firepower. This, of course, is something Manny can provide in spades.

LOS ANGELES DODGERS: There's a reason they put an offer out there for him. Manny was a perfect fit in LA, and singlehandedly won them the division with his incredible second half. Put him back on the team, and they're easily the best team in baseball's worst division, the NL West.

...Greg Robinson?

As some readers of this blog know all too well, I am a diehard fan of the University of Michigan Wolverines football and basketball teams. It was a rough year on the gridiron, and I caught plenty of flack from plenty of different directions. The defensive coordinator left after just one season, and in an attempt to recover and right the ship on that side of the ball, Rich Rodriguez and Company hire...Greg Robinson.

Yes, THAT Greg Robinson. He of the 10 wins and 37 losses in 4 years at Syracuse, turning a semi-relevant program in the late-1990's and early-2000's into the laughingstock of the Big East. I understand that Robinson had a great stint as a coordinator in the NFL, including winning two Super Bowl rings with the Denver Broncos. However, that defense didn't win two Super Bowls; John Elway, Terrell Davis, and Rod Smith won the two Super Bowls.

I really hope I'm wrong in my reaction to this hiring. There's a chance that I am, too; lousy head coaches sometimes make spectacular coordinators (Cam Cameron, anyone?). However, to me, this seems like the latest gutpunch from Ann Arbor for a fanbase that deserves better. It's not like Michigan's defense was THAT bad this past year; need I remind people of the fact that the Wolverines almost gave undefeated Utah a loss in the season opener? You don't do that with a lousy defense.

All told, though, it's not a great day to be a U of M fan. At least the basketball team will probably make the NCAA tournament for the first time in forever, though.

ROL Bus: Bye bye blondes

So this week, the girls and aging rock star go to Champaign, Illinois, which immediately gets points with me for obvious reasons. They go to a hockey rink, and seeing the girls with implants teeter and slide is hilarious.

The objective in this competition is to protect a doll from incurring head trauma on the ice. The University of Illinois women's hockey team comes out as their opponents, as does Lacey, who was on the original Rock of Love and is doing a guest spot as the token villain. More hilarity ensues as the girls try to skate, and former pornstar enlightens us on how she could have been an Olympic ice skater if not for the irresistable lure of XXX. I swear, I am NOT making this up.

The girls pick teams, and the ringers generally stomp the girls who don't know what they're doing while the girls who can skate a bit do alright. The pink team, consisting of a brunette who faked not being able to skate, former pornstar, the blonde who wants to go home, and the former (tasteful) model, ends up winning. While they go on a date with Bret at a strip club, the pink bus girls search former pornstar's bed and find a bunch of fun stuff, including used socks from hockey. Super.

Former pornstar gives a hilarious hypocritical rant about how she actually empowered women, while cover footage shows her getting to second base with one of the strippers in the club. They actually mention her pornstar name, which brings back flashbacks of them not mentioning a girl from last season was on Beauty and the Geek until the show where she was eliminated. A catfight ensues about the socks, and former pornstar sleeps on a bus.

Now for the highlight of the show. Blonde who wants to go home gets a phone call from home, and she badmouths Bret and the girls. Fellow members of the Blontourage stab her in the back, reporting it to Bret and throwing it back in her face. This doesn't look good, and her lying to Bret about this and unleashing her inner former pornstar with an emotional display doesn't help.

Next up are eliminations. Blonde who wants to leave gets booted with an unceremonious "Get the f*** out of here," and we come down to fake-skating brunette and former pornstar. And the loser is...former pornstar. Rats. And no emotional breakdowns before this, too, but the show is saved by a "Psycho" overture as she looks on, unmoved. We're down to ten, and it'll be interesting to see who picks up the "unintentional comedy" slack.

Oh, this guy's a WRESTLING fan, too?! Yep.

Adding an extra dimension to the blog, I'm going to start reviewing some wrestling DVD's WWE put out back when the product was something you weren't ashamed to watch. For starters, yesterday I found Starrcade: The Essential Collection on sale at Best Buy for $20. Let's see: A documentary on the NWA's glory years, plus 25 matches including guys whose work still holds up to this day? Yep, I'm in.

THE DOCUMENTARY

The documentary is good, but flawed. They do a great job with the 1980's, the decade where Ric Flair absolutely CARRIED Starrcade. It used to be broadcast from Greensboro, North Carolina, and they even go the extra mile, placing Ric Flair in the arena and watching him walk around the old locker room. He even channels his wrestling persona, delivering a promo about how the best wrestlers ever sat in this locker room while tears formed in his eyes. GREAT stuff.

Also, positive points for offering reviews of some of the concepts NWA and WCW tried on their biggest stage. This includes reviews of scaffold matches, the ill-fated Battlebowl concept, and the Iron Man Tournament they tried in 1989. This also brings up Goldberg's winning streak ending at Starrcade '98 at the hands of company booker Kevin Nash, and Arn Anderson and Jim Ross going back and forth about whether this was a long-overdue good idea or the idea that killed the company is pretty funny. I'm in the camp of the latter, but I digress.

The one beef I have with the documentary is that they completely glossed over 1996 and 1997, two instrumental years (and ones that were important for the wrong reasons). In '96, Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan met in the main event, where Piper won. However, nobody knew it was a non-title match until AFTER the match, which killed any momentum and any chance of a rematch that drew money. '97, of course, was where Sting came out of his hiatus to face Hogan and Hogan BURIED him, telling referee Nick Patrick the ending was changed. The matches were terrible despite Hogan doing clean jobs in each, and while we get them in the matches section of the DVD, it's not like these were minor events. Clearly, the people in charge of revisionist history want to say Vince McMahon killed WCW, when in fact WCW shot themselves in the foot.

All things considered, though, the documentary is pretty good. It's not great, and it's fairly short (runs about 80 minutes), but what you get is solid material told by the guys who lived through it (Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Roddy Piper, Road Warrior Animal, Magnum TA, etc.). It doesn't get my highest recommendation, but NWA and WCW fans, as well as new WWE fans who want to know where Wrestlemania really came from, should enjoy it. RATING: ***1/2

THE MATCHES

HERE is where the three-DVD set earns its salt. Wrestling fans voted on the lineup of matches on WWE's website, and while there are some head-scratchers, the results are amazing. The final disc, which features the top nine vote-getters, would be a best-seller even if sold as a one-disc set. Just on that DVD, you get three Ric Flair matches, two great brawls (Magnum TA vs. Tully Blanchard and Roddy Piper vs. Greg Valentine), the Road Warriors/Midnight Express scaffold match where Jim Cornette takes the funniest fall in history, another Road Warriors match against the Steiner Brothers back when the Steiners were known for wrestling rather than steroid dosages, and a sneaky-good three-way match from the last Starrcade in 2000. The lone clunker on that disc is Sting/Hogan, but that match is worth viewing simply because it wasn't covered in the documentary.

The two other discs feature some gems as well. The first, while not amazing, does include a great ten-minute match between Sting and The Great Muta that was pretty revolutionary for 1989. The second DVD has two more Flair matches, two Eddie Guerrero matches, two Sting matches, Rey Mysterio/Jushin Liger, and a few other good ones. Simply put, if you want to see wrestling the way it was meant to happen, you need to watch the final two DVD's of this set. This is the best collection of pure wrestling I have in my possession, and any praise I can possibly give it falls short of how in awe of it I am. RATING: *****

THE VERDICT

Buy the set. WWE has produced better documentaries, but the match collection is flat-out incredible, and for $20, there's no better bargain in the "sports" section of your local Best Buy if you're into wrestling.

AFC/NFC Championship Games

We're down to the NFL's final four, and after tomorrow, we'll know who will be playing on the biggest stage in two weeks. Here are my picks after going 2-2 against the spread last weekend.

AFC: BALTIMORE RAVENS (+6) vs. PITTSBURGH STEELERS

These two have a pretty bloody rivalry, especially this year with the Santonio Holmes "touchdown" catch. They play similar styles of smash-mouth, ball-control football, and both defenses are among the best football fans have seen in quite some time. It should be tremendous fun to watch.

However, there is NO way Baltimore should be getting 6 points. Yes, they're on the road, but remember that this is Heinz Field, which has 57 levels of how bad it can get in the winter. Last week, that logic bit me in the rear end, but this week, with a chance of snow and VERY cold weather following a game being played there last week, the surface could play a big role in keeping this one close. I get that Terrell Suggs is questionable, but he said he'll play and I think he will.

They've seen each other twice, with Pittsburgh winning both games by a combined total of seven points. This game should provide a similar outcome, with the Steelers emerging victorious after a sixty-minute war.

FINAL SCORE: Steelers 17, Ravens 13

NFC: ARIZONA CARDINALS (+4) vs. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES

This is another fantastic contest, and one I HATE from a betting standpoint. The Cardinals put together a defensive masterpiece last week, frustrating Jake Delhomme to no end the same way they flustered Matt Ryan. They get a better QB across the line of scrimmage in Donovan McNabb this week, but Brian Westbrook is nursing a bum leg. Like Suggs, I think Westbrook will play, but when a lot of his game is built around speed and evasion, he won't be as effective as he normally is.

This is where McNabb needs to step up and throw the ball. Due to Andy Reid's stupidity in constantly drafting people as big as he is, McNabb has DeSean Jackson, a past-his-prime Kevin Curtis, and not much else to work with. Also, he'll have to combat Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, who is quickly becoming a top-notch defensive back like his brother, Antonio.

The Eagles do have a good defense, and I don't think the Cards will be able to run as well as they did against Atlanta and Carolina. Also, unlike Carolina, the Eagles won't hesitate to put two guys on Larry Fitzgerald, as they did on Thanksgiving when they cruised to a win after 'Zona came in off a short week and traveling across the country. However, these problems can be solved if Kurt Warner brings his A-game, which he usually does in high-pressure situations, and I don't know if Philly's pending issues can simply be solved by McNabb playing well.

That's not to say the Eagles can't win on the road, and I won't be completely shocked if they do. However, I think this will be a close game no matter who wins, and I'll pick the underdog to cover.

FINAL SCORE: Cardinals 28, Eagles 27

More Movie Reviews

Finally had the chance to watch two movies I bought during a shopping spree two weeks ago. I'd never seen either in their entirety, and if you haven't, either, you REALLY should.

DODGEBALL: I've come to the conclusion that Vince Vaughn is the master of the acceptable comedy. Between Fred Claus, Four Christmases, Wedding Crashers, and a ton of others, he rarely makes a bad one. This is probably the best one he starred in (I don't count Anchorman, as he wasn't one of the leads). Unlike a lot of comedies, the stereotypical two twenty-minute lulls don't exist, and the movie is generally 90 minutes of funny stuff from all angles, save for the tolerable introduction period where we meet everyone. The length is another plus, as nothing is dragged out to the point of "OK, move on," but we still get a good idea of what's going on before we head to the next scene. The secondary characters are developed well, and Ben Stiller is at his best as the owner of the town's rival gym.

If I had to pick a fault with the movie, it's that it almost tried too hard at times. The death of the team's coach, for instance, comes when a bar sign falls onto his head and crushes him. Yeah, the irony's amusing, but it just seemed like too much, and there were a few minor instances of that scattered around the movie. That said, though, this was a quality comedy, and I loved it. RATING: ****1/4

THREE AMIGOS: This is the ultimate "either you get it or you don't" movie, and with the mixed reviews online, it's easy to see why. Tough to argue with the cast, as Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, and Martin Short star as washed-up silent movie actors who get roped into an off-the-wall, impossible situation. There's a ton of slapstick here, which has its good and bad points, and it seemed like Chase mailed it in at times (yet again, he wasn't given many lines to work with). On the other hand, Steve Martin is in his mid-1980's groove, Martin Short steals the show in one of his earliest roles, and hearing Short yell "ARRIBA!" is worth the price of the DVD alone (and adds about a quarter-star to the final rating).

After seeing it and looking at other reviews, it's almost like people made up their minds to not like the movie when they first saw it. Yeah, you'll groan a bit, but you'll also laugh your butt off if you open yourself up to it. It's not the best comedy ever made, but Lorne Michaels and Steve Martin wrote a good one, and it's worth looking for in your local video store. RATING: ***3/4

NFL Mock Draft: 1/13

As before, if a player hasn't explicitly stated that they are staying in school, they're eligible for the mock draft for the sake of simplicity on yours truly.

1. Detroit (0-16): Rey Maualuga, LB, USC
Rationale: No, they aren't trading the pick. Maualuga wreaked havoc in the Rose Bowl, and is unquestionably the best defensive player in the draft following Brian Orakpo's performance in the Fiesta Bowl. The Lions could still trade down if a good offer comes their way, but for now, they upgrade their defense.

2. St. Louis (2-14): Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma
Rationale: If Bradford is off the board, they could take an offensive lineman, but as people know, I HATE drafting linemen this highly unless absolutely necessary. Bradford is an instant upgrade over Marc Bulger and Trent Green, and he fits well here.

3. Kansas City (2-14): Malcolm Jenkins, CB, Ohio State
Rationale: Brian Orakpo may still go here, but after how badly he performed against OSU in the Rose Bowl, I think KC goes a different direction for now. Orakpo can redeem himself at the Combine, but he's got some work to do.

4. Seattle (4-12): Andre Smith, OT, Alabama
Rationale: Has anyone's stock ever soared THIS much after a suspension? 'Bama looked hopeless against Utah, and it's because Smith wasn't there to protect John Parker Wilson and the running backs. He comes in and works alongside Walter Jones to form a tough O-line.

5. Cleveland (4-12): Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas
Rationale: With Eric Mangini coming to town, Cleveland needs edge-rushers. That's exactly what Orakpo is, and the Browns are delighted he fell this far despite a subpar Fiesta Bowl.

6. Cincinnati (4-11-1): James Laurinaitis, LB, Ohio State
Rationale: This is an interesting pick. The Bengals could be in the mix to trade up to #1, as it's not clear whether Palmer will fully recover and Fitzpatrick is NOT a starting quarterback. Assuming they don't, the hometown boy would make a nice fit on defense.

7. Oakland (5-11): Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech
Rationale: Al Davis loves star power, and there isn't a more exciting player in the draft than Crabtree. He fills a big need in Oakland, and could give the rocket arm of JaMarcus Russell a great target to throw to.

8. Jacksonville (5-11): Taylor Mays, S, USC
Rationale: Jacksonville's probably fuming after falling one pick short of giving David Garrard the deep target he desperately needs. If they don't trade up to get Crabtree, they fill another need in their secondary with Mays, who is clearly the best safety in the draft.

9. Green Bay (6-10): Aaron Curry, LB, Wake Forest
Rationale: Curry's stock has shot up as of late, and with the two other marquee linebackers off the board, he's the best fit here. Green Bay's defense couldn't hold a lead to save their lives, and Curry should step in right away to help patch it up.

10. San Francisco (7-9): Michael Oher, OT, Ole Miss
Rationale: Oher could be as good as Smith, but after the Sugar Bowl, there's no doubt Smith will be the tackle who gets drafted first. SF needs protection, and Oher can step in and provide that right away.

11. Buffalo (7-9): Michael Johnson, DE, Georgia Tech
Rationale: Aaron Schobel's been hurt, but there's still no excuse for the backups being THIS horrendous. Johnson's a freak at 6'7", 265, and should disrupt plenty of plays.

12. Denver (8-8): Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia
Rationale: Javon Ringer could also go here, but Moreno's more consistent than he is. Denver desperately needs a franchise running back to usher in the post-Shanahan era, and Moreno's got the talent to leap up the depth chart right away.

13. Washington (8-8): Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia
Rationale: Washington goes with the best player available. Their line could use bolstering, and up-and-coming QB Jason Campbell could sure appreciate the extra time on his feet.

14. New Orleans (8-8): William Moore, S, Missouri
Rationale: Moore didn't have a great senior year, but he's still the best defensive back available. This comes as good news to a team that DESPERATELY needs speed in the secondary.

15. Houston (8-8): Jason Smith, OT, Baylor
Rationale: Smith's stock has soared thanks to scouts believing he may have the best feet of any lineman in the draft. Houston finally got some offensive momentum this year, and Smith can only help the situation.

16. San Diego (8-8): Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland
Rationale: They may still take Everette Brown, and he wouldn't be a bad pick, but SD has bigger needs than the defensive line. There's no true #1 receiver on that team, and Heyward-Bey could end up developing into one fairly quickly.

17. New York Jets (9-7): Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois
Rationale: The Jets could take playmaking wideout Percy Harvin, but he's injury-prone and they could easily wait a round or two to find a receiver. Instead, I think they bolster their pass defense with Davis, a guy with temper issues but a high ceiling (some say he could be even better than Malcolm Jenkins).

18. Chicago (9-7): Percy Harvin, WR, Florida
Rationale: On the other hand, the situation's much more dire in Chicago. Simply put, Kyle Orton needs a guy with soft hands to throw to. I don't know how well he'll be utilized, but Harvin's one of the best on the board who fills a definite need.

19. Tampa Bay (9-7): Mark Sanchez, QB, USC
Rationale: I'd never been high on Sanchez until the Rose Bowl, where he diced a good Penn State defense on a national stage. He's not the most exciting QB, he doesn't have the biggest arm, and he may not develop into a star, but Sanchez is a reliable guy who won't make too many mistakes despite his inexperience.

20. Detroit - from Dallas (9-7): Everette Brown, DE, Florida State
Rationale: Brown gives the Lions a big-time pass-rushing threat to go along with their young, improving linebackers. It's not much, but two very good defensive prospects in the first round is a start in looking for a few wins.

21. Arizona (9-7): Javon Ringer, RB, Michigan State
Rationale: Chris Wells makes sense here, too, but the Cards already have a power runner in Tim Hightower. Ringer should be the dash to Hightower's smash, and with both being young, they've got time to mesh together.

22. Minnesota (10-6): Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia
Rationale: Anything's an upgrade over Tarvaris Jackson. Stafford's got a nice, strong arm, and he'll have a franchise running back in the backfield to take some of the pressure off of him. I'm not totally sold on him, but this isn't a bad situation for him to be in.

23. New England (11-5): Brandon Spikes, LB, Florida
Rationale: NE could also go corner, but Spikes is a top-5 linebacker in a year where that position is loaded with talented players. With many of the Patriot linebackers approaching retirement age, Spikes provides an opportunity to reload fast.

24. Atlanta (11-5): Sen'Derrick Marks, DT, Auburn
Rationale: If Atlanta wants to build upon their success this year, they need to improve their run defense. Marks was the lone good part of Auburn's terrible season, and he'll be a very good pro.

25. Miami (11-5) D.J. Moore, CB/S, Vanderbilt
Rationale: Moore is the best corner left, and Miami desperately needs to improve their pass defense. Like Atlanta, their pick is a necessary, need-based pick for a team looking to stay at a high level after struggling in 2007.

26. Baltimore (11-5): Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State
Rationale: Baltimore needs a target for Joe Flacco to throw to. Ideally, there'd be a wideout here, but Pettigrew is the next best thing. He's a good blocker as well as a good receiver, and he'll fit in well with the ball-control offense.

27. Indianapolis (12-4): Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama
Rationale: Indy's run defense, as usual, is terrible. Cody doesn't have much experience, but that means more room to grow in the long run. He'll be a good one for a perennial contender.

28. Philadelphia - from Carolina (12-4): Jermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma
Rationale: As mentioned, going lineman-lineman doesn't make sense when problems in the receiving corps need to be addressed. If Pettigrew is available here, I think they grab him. Otherwise, Gresham could step in, run routes, and block pretty efficiently.

29. New York Giants (12-4): Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri
Rationale: As Plaxico Burress's gun proved, they need another impact wideout. Maclin fits the bill as an All-American, and while he's not exactly 6'5" or a world-class athlete, he's got tremendous speed, good hands, and solid route-running skills. If they don't re-sign Brandon Jacobs, Chris Wells could also go here, but his injuries have hurt his draft stock.

30. Tennessee (13-3): B.J. Raji, DT, Boston College
Rationale: If they don't resign Albert Haynesworth, they could use another talented nose tackle. I could also see them taking a QB if a good one slips to here, but for now, Raji's the pick.

31. Philadelphia (9-6-1): Ciron Black, OT, LSU
Rationale: NOW you take the lineman. Philly's line isn't getting younger, and Black is the best player available for a team that could use him.

32. Pittsburgh (12-4): Duke Robinson, G, Oklahoma
Rationale: This team's one hole is on the O-line. They may very well trade up to get a marquee tackle, but for now, Robinson is the pick. He's by far the best guard in the draft, and is easily the best lineman available at this point.

ROL Bus Recap

So the girls head to Indianapolis, and are forced to write wedding vows for Bret, a guy who has never been married. Hilarity ensues; the Brazilian moves buses and promises never to drink again, the Appalachian Hindi belly-dances about, and the first challenge goes on, where the winners go on a group date with the lucky guy. Highlights: The former pornstar does her Fidel Castro impression, talking forever, the phrase "from behind" gets bleeped out, the belly-dancer compares wooing Bret to charming a snake (and it WORKS?!), and a black girl unmentioned to this point gives him a blow-up doll. Winners: Snobby Penthouse model, an unmentioned-to-this-point tattooed brunette, and a member of the Blontourage.

Former pornstar doesn't take kindly to her Castro impression going over like a lead balloon, and goes hysterical. Her fellow busmates on the pink bus don't exactly do a good job of consoling her, and there's talk of changing buses. Ladies and gentlemen, we may have our token nutjob of Season 3!

The girls go to a hotel in the desert for a "reception," complete with, as Bret puts it, "family entertainment." Lap dances, of course. Former pornstar walks out, but only to the bathroom, and puts on a bikini in an attempt to blow Bret away. Did nothing for me, but the girls were threatened. We move from there to a trivia contest, where VIP passes are at stake. Tempers flare, especially with former pornstar, and when the tattooed woman gives him a wet kiss, the rules change. She, snobby Penthouse pet, and the black girl get the passes, and former pornstar once again breaks down in tears. We're at about four breakdowns in the first half-hour, and I feel some Obama coming on again. Can we break records for fastest, most intense, and most pathetic shows of emotion set by Rodeo and Samantha in Season 1 and Kristy Joe in Season 2? YES WE CAN!

And we come right back with former pornstar and black girl arguing, with former pornstar yelling the black girl only got on the show because she was black. Ouch. She cries in the post-argument interview and while going to sleep, which makes seven. I feel double-digits coming.

We take a side-bar from former pornstar for a moment and go to the group date, which is a hayride in rural Indiana. The snobby Penthouse model baits the tattooed brunette into using her VIP pass this early for some alone time. She's an elitist, but it's smart to do that. All told, though, it's pretty uneventful, especially compared to the shitshow being witnessed back at the hotel with former pornstar.

We're back from the commercial, and the Brazilian breaks her vow of not drinking AND reconciles with the blonde she choked last week. Impressive. And, shocker, the blonde who wanted to be sent home last week confronts Bret again and talks about him sending her home. Anyway, this inspires Bret to get some one-on-one time with some of the girls, including Appalachian Hindi, who we find out took a vow of no "all-the-way sex" for three years. More former pornstar hilarity also ensues as she pleads her case to Bret, but he ends up forcing her off the bus to think about eliminations. She's stayed at 7 for a good 15 minutes; she's slipping!

Eliminations come in, and three girls must leave. We get the one-by-one calldown process this week. Tattooed brunette, snobby Penthouse model, black girl and several members of the Blontourage are a few of the notable ones who stay. Former pornstar breaks down (8!), and she, the Brazilian, and the one who wants to leave all get called down, but they're all staying. YES, WE GET MORE FORMER PORNSTAR BREAKDOWNS!

Leaving: Appalachian Hindi (rats!) and two other women. Next week, though, Lacey from Season 1 comes back to raise holy hell and, apparently, pop some implants. Also, Bret boots someone for having a boyfriend. THIS SEASON ROCKS!

Valkyrie and other stuff

1) So the wife and I saw Valkyrie today. I've seen it earn tremendous praise from some as a possible Academy Award nominee, and I've seen it get torn to pieces by some high-profile critics and reviewers. After seeing the movie myself, I won't argue too strenuously with either viewpoint. It's a solid movie based on a true story that doesn't exaggerate the truth a lot, but one that drags a LOT during the middle portions (almost as if director/producer Bryan Singer had to cash in on a bet saying he couldn't stretch the movie to two hours). Still, the characters are developed well, there are some great examples of directing with some of the aerial shots, and Tom Cruise isn't as bad as some say he is (granted, he's been much better). There are some over-the-top scenes, including one where shrapnel knocked from a house in an air raid pushes a record player on, this producing a dramatic Wagner symphony. As tough as it is to believe, that one scene is an automatic quarter to a half-star deduction from the final rating.

All told, though, it's decent enough. A lot of people love it, and a lot of people hate it, but I'm coming down in the middle. I didn't think it was bad, but Cruise and Singer both have produced work of a higher quality. It's at least worth a rental when it comes out, and if you're a fan of either the director or the main star, don't be afraid to check it out. RATING: ***

2) Memo to all New York State drivers: STAY OFF THE THRUWAY. I drove down from Albany to Saugerties today, a drive of about 40 miles on that road. Well-trained chickens could have done a better job with road upkeep. I didn't see one plow with its blade down, nor did I see any salt trucks loosening up the freaking GLACIERS on the blacktop. On a related note, I also didn't see any lines on the road, the rumble strips, or a patch of black ice between Coxsackie and Catskill that spun me out (and almost caused an accident despite me going just 30 miles per hour). I get the concept of waiting until the snow stopped to do serious plowing, but when you can't see lines on the road, there's something wrong.

3) Looks like i'm 2-for-2 against the spread today. Great game between Baltimore and Tennessee that shows why the Ravens are so dangerous. They may not take your breath away on offense, but their defense keeps them in games and they OWN the fourth quarter. That's a REALLY dangerous combination, and if they draw Pittsburgh, who beat them on Santonio Holmes's controversial TD catch earlier this year, you know they'll be out for blood.

Meanwhile, the Anquan Boldin-less Arizona Cardinals have taken the Carolina Panthers behind the woodshed in the first half, leading 27-7 late in the second quarter. At this point, don't you HAVE to make a case for Kurt Warner as a Hall of Famer? He's certainly not a top-10 all-time quarterback, but he's won a ring, has played in fifteen career playoff games counting tonight, and produced an MVP-caliber season at age 38. That's gotta at least put him up near the top-25, and given all he's overcome over the course of his career, I tip my hat to him.

Interesting stat: In seasons where Warner has played 16 games, he has NEVER thrown for less than 4,300 yards. Say what you will about the receivers he's thrown to over the years, but Isaac Bruce fell off the map awful fast with Marc Bulger throwing to him, and Torry Holt went from All-Pro to just another good receiver as well. Marshall Faulk retiring probably contributed as well, but it all starts with the guys who get the receivers the ball. Warner's done that admirably, and he deserves a spot in Canton.

NFL Divisional Playoffs: The SAK Crystal Ball

Tennessee Titans vs. Baltimore Ravens (+3)

Tough game because both teams are so much alike. They pound the ball, run the clock down, and win the game with defense. Ultimately, this game comes down to which offense you hate less. Tennessee has two very good running backs, but a horrid receiving corps and Kerry Collins, who could very well self-destruct at any point. Baltimore, on the other hand, has no receiving corps, a rookie QB in Joe Flacco, and the running back duo of Leron McClain and Willis McGahee, who seem to do nothing for three quarters before breaking off massive jaunts in the final stanza.

All told, I like the Titans to win the game, but the Ravens to cover the spread. I think Tennessee's better at what they do, and Kerry Collins is smart enough to keep the ball away from Ed Reed whenever possible. Look for them to be up 21-10 or so, but watch out for Baltimore to come back in the fourth quarter, which is when they play their best football.

FINAL SCORE: Tennessee 21, Baltimore 20


Carolina Panthers vs. Arizona Cardinals (+10)

Kudos to Arizona for figuring out Matt Ryan and getting a big win at home in the first round. Their pass rush was solid, and Kurt Warner came through with a nice performance. They now face a Carolina team that some say could be Super Bowl-bound, and for good reason. They've got a good mix of run and pass, and their defense, while unspectacular, seems to do the job week in and week out.

That said, ten points is an AWFUL lot to give away to a team whose pass rush looked as good as Arizona's did last week. If Carolina had a better quarterback under center, maybe I go the other way on this. But Jake Delhomme is getting up there in age, has never been a GREAT quarterback, and may have some trouble dealing with the blitz packages that clipped the wings of the Atlanta Falcons last week. I do think Carolina wins due to their run game, but it won't be easy.

FINAL SCORE: Panthers 24, Cardinals 20


New York Giants (-4) vs. Philadelphia Eagles

I hate this game. The Giants have been overrated without Plaxico Burress, and the Eagles haven't been able to move the ball against ANYBODY for several weeks, save for their game against, you guessed it, the Giants in Week 15. Was that a great effort by a motivated Philly squad, or a lazy effort by New York in a game they didn't need?

I'll say both, and because of that, I'll take the G-Men. Their defense should step up and wreak havoc against the Eagles, who escaped from Minnesota with a win after their offense couldn't exploit a banged-up Vikings defense save for one long touchdown pass. Ultimately, I think New York's running attack sends their division rivals home.

FINAL SCORE: Giants 21, Eagles 13


Pittsburgh Steelers vs. San Diego Chargers (+6)

In his column this week, Bill Simmons raised a heck of a point. Why would ANYONE feel comfortable taking a six-point favorite at Heinz Field, which has been one of the sloppiest, slowest playing surfaces in the NFL? Ben Roethlisberger is coming off a concussion, and the Chargers are riding high after their win over Indianapolis (yet again, I have my qualms about the officiating in that game, which can be read here: http://sakcritic.blogspot.com/2009/01/nutsak-rant-unofficial-review-of-nfls.html ).

Does this mean I think the Chargers pull the upset? Ultimately, no. The probable loss of LaDanian Tomlinson will hurt them, despite the considerable ability of backup Darren Sproles. LDT is their leader, and without him on the field, I think Pittsburgh's defense gets a big confidence boost. It's a close game, and definitely closer than oddsmakers think it is, but in the end, Pittsburgh emerges victorious.

FINAL SCORE: Steelers 16, Chargers 14

A mishmosh of rants

1) Following the return of SVU, the original Law and Order returned with a new episode last night. Gotta say, I wasn't impressed. This was one of the episodes where the crime discovered in the first five minutes has NOTHING to do with what's investigated and prosecuted for the last half-hour, and those tend to piss me off. The plotline of child slavery had me interested, but the entire episode seemed disoriented and mailed-in, although, to be fair, much of the cast is still gaining chemistry with everyone else (both lead cops, as well as the ADA and his assistant, have come on in the last two or three seasons). Still, this is an episode not likely to be remembered in the annals of Law and Order history. RATING: **1/2

2) So the Cowboys cut ties with Adam "The Artist Formerly Known as Pac-Man" Jones yesterday. I was counted among those who thought his signing was nothing more than a publicity stunt by Jerry Jones, and he really did nothing this season (yet again, neither did the rest of the Dallas secondary). His behavioral problems are the stuff of legend, but he'll latch on with another team in the offseason (provided he doesn't do something to irk the already-antsy Roger Goodell). The Lions are desperate for any help they can get, the Raiders are, well, the Raiders, and there are plenty of defenses around the NFL searching for any live bodies they can find in hopes of one of them being able to cover somebody. I've never been a Pac-Man sympathizer, and I don't intend to start now.

3) The People's Choice Awards were last night, and while I'm not one to get in a frenzy over these types of shows, a few things stood out. Firstly, thank God Hugh Laurie finally won SOMETHING. I have no idea why he's gotten the shaft for so long for everything he's done, but he finally busted through last night, winning the Favorite Male TV Star award for his role in House (another show I'll be reviewing when new episodes start coming out in a couple of weeks). On the bad side, though, Will Smith over both Christian Bale and Robert Downey, Jr., for Favorite Male Action Star? Give me a break. Yeah, Smith's a great actor, but did people SERIOUSLY believe Smith was better in Hancock than Bale was in The Dark Knight or Downey was in Iron Man? Ridiculous.

So Mrs. Tex wears the pants...

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big_league_stew/post/Yankees-can-thank-Leigh-Teixeira-for-their-new-f?urn=mlb,132549

Seriously, give me a break. As an Angels fan, this drives the screw in extra-deep. We needed to keep Teixeira, and his WIFE telling him where to go ultimately decided against us?! His WIFE is the one brainwashing me into thinking Adam Dunn's a necessary signing?!

It's just too bad the Yankees are relying on a bunch of 35+ year olds to carry a big load. Damon's a leadoff hitter who's slowly losing speed, Jeter's not getting any younger (blasphemy to blast the golden boy, I know), Posada's 37 and was hurt last year, and Xavier Nady will come back to earth like he has with EVERY other team he's ever played for (mark it down: If he hits over .260, I will be tremendously surprised). Yeah, their starters are good, but Damaso Marte's going to have to shoulder a REALLY big load in an otherwise-mediocre bullpen. If he gets hurt, I do NOT trust Edwar Ramirez and Dan Giese to get the ball to Rivera, who's yet ANOTHER guy who's getting pretty old.

SAK Review: SVU

New episodes of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit started to hit the airwaves again tonight. This season, while the individual episodes have been fairly strong, there's been a lack of a consistent story arc, and promising long-term storylines (Munch buying a bar, Fin getting a transfer, etc.) haven't developed at all.

The break between the first and second parts of the season couldn't have been better-timed, and the premise of tonight's show was vintage SVU. A teen who allegedly vanished 4 years prior comes back to her family, and she claims to have been tortured and abused by an unknown captor. Of course, nothing's ever THAT simple, and it turns out she's a victim of a different family's kidnapping tragedies, one where her father had her tortured in a basement for six years. This brings on an AWESOME good cop-bad cop routine by Stabler and Benson, as well as a good chase scene culminating in a great Ice T clothesline on a perp.

As usual, though, the ending brings several twists that tear the heartstrings. I was disappointed that they didn't capitalize on so many storyline possibilities early on in the season, but the approach of delivering one strong episode after another doesn't suck, either. The only hole in the show was the fact that several members of the families Benson and Stabler dealt with couldn't act, including the one female carted off at the end of the show. All told, though, good episode. RATING: ****

Rock of Love Bus? Yep.

Everyone has a guilty pleasure show, and for me, it's Rock of Love. I don't quite know why; maybe it's because even at 50-odd years old, Bret Michaels is still infatuating girls half his age. Odd? You bet. But if nothing else, the unintentional comedy he draws is off the charts. I couldn't catch the premiere last night, but VH1, as predicted, is showing this every few hours, so I'm catching up now.

In my official SAK view, I am about 75% sure 9, possibly as many as 13, of the 20 girls starting out on this show vying for Bret's love and affection are completely full of silicone and leftovers of other plastic surgeries. To be fair, there are a few semi-real looking women on the show, and those are usually the ones who make it close to the end, but looking at some of these women is almost a carnival sideshow. We're not talking Tim Tebow's girlfriend's chest here; these girls almost make mockeries of what were probably decent-sized chests to begin with.

And fittingly enough, the first girl we meet is an admitted former porn star! But wait, she's got a singing voice she can't wait to show Bret. Oh Rock of Love, how I've missed you. What will I do if Bret actually finds love this year and the show ends? This is I Love New York without the screeching high voice of the woman we're supposed to hope finds a boy toy! To paraphrase Barack Obama, can we rig this show so I can continue to be amused for the rest of my life? YES WE CAN!

Other interesting women: A Hindi woman from Appalachia, a former Penthouse pet who actually hesitated to show more than a thong, and several women who claim to "never have done this sort of thing before." Only one girl, though, actually goes nude in the trademark photo shoot at the beginning of the show. After the shoot, the girls are divided into two busses by the one and only Big John, and one woman describes everyone rushing to store their luggage as "a barrage of stripper heels." And herein lies the first argument, as everyone has a way of loading the bus that is different from everyone else's. Hilarity ensues, and one girl is accused of being on drugs. Her response: "EVERYTHING I'M ON IS LEGAL!"

So one bus, which is pink, is full of the generic blondes pumped full of silicone, and they immediately pop open the Coronas and start catfights. The other bus, which is blue, contains the semi-wholesome girls who think they're too good for drama, when in fact they're on a reality show competing for the heart of a man twice their age. Here's the conflict that happens every season: The indecent sluts versus the snobbish bitches. Take sides, all!

The busses head to Louisville, Kentucky, where Bret's band has a concert that night. And the Penthouse woman is "mortified" by the sight of a woman licking another woman's silicone on stage. She claims herself to be the classiest one here. Guess the photos in a globally-distributed softcore porn magazine were just mistakes, huh?

After the concert, naturally, everyone gets blissfully smashed. Well, not quite blissfully, as we get an argument over whether a pair of dark brown Uggs or a green and black excuse for a dress is uglier. Personally, my vote's for the dress. Not like it matters, though, as drinks fly, naturally all outside Bret's view. Of course, once he enters, unintentional hilarity ensues as a smashed girl serves a shot from...well, between her legs. Classy. This seems to set everyone off, and the party sort of dies, which may very well be a first in ROL history. Bret talks a girl thinking about leaving into staying, and that ends just another day in paradise.

The morning rolls along, and Big John cracks the whip to do roll call. The busses move out, and the women get relocated to another hotel. They get bored, and suddenly the party starts up again. I'm personally surprised half these people made it through the night without a Corona IV, but I digress. Anyway, the blondes criticize the brunettes for not being trashed, Miss Penthouse once again thumbs her nose at others, the Appalachian Hindi teaches the former porn star how to belly-dance, and a Brazilian hammers down one shot of tequila after another before spending an inordinate amount of time crouched over the toilet. Seriously, how can anyone NOT love this show?

So Bret comes in, and immediately gets a French kiss from the woman who just threw up. At least he recognizes it in an edited-in sound byte that her breath smelled of vomit. On the other side of a commercial break, Bret woos one of the brunettes, and is moved to tears by the news that he was on her list of people to have sex with during her marraige. Touching. In other news, Bret names some of the silicone-stuffed women the "Blontourage." Witty.

All's going fine and well until, to quote the immortal Joey Styles, CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! A drunk throws a bottle at the Brazilian, and insulted by her treatment of alcohol, the Brazilian chokes her. Bret calms everyone's moods yet again. Must be his mystical baldspot. He lays down the law, outlawing physical violence. Oh, rats, I was hoping the blonde would throw the macadamia nuts next.

Instead, we go to eliminations. 15 stay, 5 leave. Bret calls out his first 13, and takes his time with the next 2. Notables kept on: Miss Appalachia, Snobby Penthouse Pet, and several members of the Blontourage (but not all). The Brazilian is lucky #14, undoubtedly because he likes to be choked in the heat of the moment. She immediately goes off to drink more tequila.

This leaves several left for the last pass, including the former porn star and the one who stuck a shot up her snatch. Indeed, it's the porn star who gets the last pass. Those left off: The legal drug addict, the exhibitionist from the bar, and a few other assorted blondes.

A montage airs of what to expect this season. Laughs, cries, fights, stripteases...yep, this is Rock of Love. Good to see you back.

NutSAK Rant: An Unofficial Review of the NFL's Zebras

One of the reasons I started this blog was to rant when the occasion warrants one. In watching the four NFL games this weekend, I couldn't neglect the inconsistency of the officiating crews working them. These are playoff games, folks, yet some of the men in striped shirts have performed horribly on the NFL's biggest stages.

Not all of them were lousy. I felt that Ed Hochuli's crew did a nice job in the Baltimore-Miami game, and the officiating in Arizona-Atlanta was fine. However, let's take a look at the officials from San Diego-Indianapolis. For starters, if I'm not mistaken, this is the same crew from the much-maligned Pittsburgh-Baltimore game where Santonio Holmes's controversial touchdown catch was the deciding score. Nobody will ever mistake the head official in that crew for a Rhodes scholar; in fact, he actually said San Diego took their FOURTH timeout of the second half in the final minutes of the fourth quarter.

Regardless, my beef comes with their officiating during the Chargers' drive in overtime. Their face-masking call down the stretch was a good one, but there were a pair of questionable defensive holding penalties that pretty much gave San Diego the game. Al Michaels and John Madden pointed out several times that the crew led the NFL in penalties called per game, and in seeing the holds, it's obvious why. One of the penalties against the Colts even came when a corner was within five yards of the line of scrimmage. It was a legal play, and the latest in a line of ticky-tack calls that shouldn't be deciding a playoff game.

Going to today's game, the refs in Minnesota are completely letting the two teams play. To a degree, I like this, but one play showed why it's not completely smart. Asante Samuel intercepted a Tarvaris Jackson pass and ran it down the sideline. Jackson tried to get in position for a touchdown-saving tackle, but was held, lifted up, and dropped on his back like a professional wrestler. As Samuel scampered into the end zone, I looked for a flag, but there were none to be found.

What does this say? For one, there needs to be some consistency among NFL crews. I don't care if it means shuffling members of crews around every few seasons for a balance between strict and lenient views. If it means players, coaches, and fans will know for sure what is and isn't a hold, I'm all for it.

Secondly, maybe the NFL needs to re-evaluate how crews are evaluated. Officials refereeing playoff games are supposed to be the best in the business, but does anyone want a playoff game decided over the question of, "Was that pass interference?" On the other side of the spectrum, who wants a game that looks more like "NFL Blitz" than "Madden," where players are knocking each other out of the game every other play?

My fears are that teams will ultimately adjust how they play the game based on who's wearing the black-and-white that week. We haven't gotten to that point yet, but we're closer to it now than we were five years ago. Let the players play, but keep the officials in control of the game, and keep the rulings consistent from week to week. Is that REALLY too much to ask?

SAK Jumbo Movie Review

Rather than give a whole mess of movies I've seen recently their own blog entries, I've decided to combine them all into one longer post. I'm an organizational freak, I know.

MARLEY AND ME: I was a bit conflicted on this movie coming in. Some ad's portrayed it as a comedy, while others showed it as an emotional drama. In actuality, it's a little bit of both. Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston both have their moments to shine, but the star of the show is ultimately the dog their characters, both newspaper journalists, adopt in the first half-hour of the film. While the dog raises holy hell on everything within sight in some funny but semi-predictable events, some supporting actors also add nice touches, notably token old guy Alan Arkin as editor Arnie Klein and 'Grey's Anatomy' star Eric Dane as playboy reporter Sebastian Tunney. The children of the family also have their moments, including one uproariously-funny line as Aniston's character is wheeled out of the hospital following the birth of her third child (trust me, you'll know when you hear it).

Despite the comedic undertones, it should be noted that the ending is as serious as can be and, in fact, had the entire theatre I was in in tears. If you're a dog lover, see this movie. If you're not, it's probably still worth a trip to the cinema. It runs the gamut of emotions despite some predictable spots, and the two hours spent watching it is generally time well-spent. RATING: 3 1/2 stars out of five (or ***1/2).

YES MAN: I'm usually pretty biased against conventional comedies. There's a clear-cut formula that's been developed over time: Slow and predictable for the first 20 minutes, slow and predictable for the last 20 minutes, and how you spend the hour or so in between is what ultimately defines the movie. Jim Carrey's latest film is no exception, as he plays an introvert who seems to be afraid to live life until being transformed by a seminar. Credit where it's due: There are some hilarious parts of the movie. Ultimately, though, Carrey's antics catch up with him in a manner that's all too predictable, and that defines the last 20 minutes of the film (although the ending is done better than in most comedies of the sort).

The movie's not bad, and if you're a Jim Carrey fan, he'll find ways to make you laugh. That said, Yes Man seemed like a remake of Liar Liar in several ways. Not like that's completely a bad thing, as it was a good movie and this one's solid as well, but if you're looking for a comedy classic, look elsewhere. RATING: ***1/4

RADIO: Saw this one and the next one on a bus trip to Buffalo last weekend. It stars Cuba Gooding, Jr., as a mentally-disabled man who gets taken under the wing of a local high school football coach (played by Ed Harris). This isn't popular with some people in the community, as the perennial gridiron powerhouse has an off-year and Radio takes the blame by several parents. As uplifting a story as this was, something fell flat with me. Gooding and Harris were both solid in their roles and had great chemistry together, but neither seemed to act well off of anyone else in the film.

It's a good story that doesn't feel exaggerated like other "based on a true story" films do. Unfortunately, it doesn't get past the 'rental' category in my book thanks to the intangibles mentioned above. RATING: **1/2

THE WINNING SEASON: And this was the film we saw on the bus ride back. It's a made-for-TV movie that doesn't have many notable names in it, save for 'Sex + the City' star Kristin Davis. The main storyline, and try to follow me on this, is that a hard-luck kid finds the Holy Grail of baseball cards, a Honus Wagner card made by a tobacco company before Wagner ordered them destroyed. The card also allows the kid to travel back in time, where he immediately ages ten years, meets Wagner himself, draws the ire of Ty Cobb, and helps the Pittsburgh Pirates win the 1909 World Series.

Um...yeah. There's a lot going on here, and not much of it makes a great deal of sense. Davis is perfectly fine in her role as a woman from a well-to-do early-1900's family who falls in love with Honus Wagner, and in fact, her storyline of forbidden love is the only one executed with any degree of prowess (and what saves the movie from being completely unwatchable). The rest is strictly for kids, and not for people looking for a quality baseball movie with emotion mixed in. Heck, even for kids, there are better movies out there that are better at what they do. Not recommended highly at all. RATING: *1/4

2009 NFL Mock Draft (1/3)

I'll be posting mock NFL drafts periodically up until draft day in April. Stars by teams represent playoff-bound squads, and any player who hasn't said they're staying in school is eligible for the simple purpose of making it easier on yours truly.

Detroit trades down from #1 to #2, giving St. Louis the top overall pick. Here goes...

1. St. Louis (from Detroit): Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma
Rationale: St. Louis needs a new QB, and they pull out all the stops to get the best one available.

2. Detroit (from St. Louis): Malcolm Jenkins, CB, OSU
Rationale: If you're Detroit and you take a lineman at this point, you're nuts. A lineman will not solve your problems the way other top-tier prospects will down the road. Jenkins is a safe pick, even this highly, and he's going to be a true shut-down corner.

3. Kansas City: Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas
Rationale: KC's pass rush has been anemic since their bonehead trading of Jared Allen. Tamba Hali isn't horrible, but he needs a marquee rusher alongside him, and Orakpo fits the bill.

4. Seattle: Michael Oher, OT, Ole Miss
Rationale: Seattle could use a running back, but none are worth taking this highly. Andre Smith could go here, but his Sugar Bowl suspension hurts his stock. Oher is the immediate beneficiary of that, and he goes here in an attempt to fill the hole left by Steve Hutchinson that hasn't been filled for several seasons.

5. Cleveland: Rey Maualuga, LB, USC
Rationale: Cleveland's defense is atrocious, plain and simple. If Jenkins is still available, they could grab him here, but Maualuga is the best defensive player left. He's the total package, and can stuff the run as well as drop back in coverage.

6. Cincinnati: James Laurinaitis, LB, OSU
Rationale: This is an interesting pick. The Bengals could be in the mix to trade up to #1, as it's not clear whether Palmer will fully recover and Fitzpatrick is NOT a starting quarterback. Assuming they don't, the hometown boy would make a nice fit on defense.

7. Oakland: Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech
Rationale: Al Davis loves star power, and there isn't a more exciting player in the draft than Crabtree. He fills a big need in Oakland, and could give the rocket arm of JaMarcus Russell a great target to throw to.

8. Jacksonville: Taylor Mays, S, USC
Rationale: Jacksonville's probably fuming after falling one pick short of giving David Garrard the deep target he desperately needs. If they don't trade up to get Crabtree, they fill another need in their secondary with Mays, who is clearly the best safety in the draft.

9. Green Bay: Aaron Curry, LB, Wake Forest
Rationale: Curry's stock has shot up as of late, and with the two other marquee linebackers off the board, he's the best fit here. Green Bay's defense couldn't hold a lead to save their lives, and Curry should step in right away to help patch it up.

10. San Francisco: Andre Smith, OT, Alabama
Rationale: SF needs to bolster their line. They finished the season strongly, but they need to protect their quarterback, as well as star running back Frank Gore. Smith's stock has slumped, but he's still the best fit here.

11. Buffalo: Michael Johnson, DE, Georgia Tech
Rationale: Aaron Schobel's been hurt, but there's still no excuse for the backups being THIS horrendous. Johnson's a freak at 6'7", 265, and should disrupt plenty of plays.

12. Denver: Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia
Rationale: Chris Wells and/or Javon Ringer could also go here, but Moreno's more consistent than either of them. Denver desperately needs a franchise running back to usher in the post-Shanahan era, and Moreno's got the talent to leap up the depth chart right away.

13. Washington: Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia
Rationale: Tough to say where Snyder and Co. will go here, as they really don't have many needs. Monroe is the best player available, and is an upgrade from some of their current linemen.

14. New Orleans: William Moore, S, Missouri
Rationale: Moore didn't have a great senior year, but he's still the best defensive back available. This comes as good news to a team that DESPERATELY needs speed in the secondary.

15. Houston: Jason Smith, OT, Baylor
Rationale: Smith's stock has soared thanks to scouts believing he may have the best feet of any lineman in the draft. Houston finally got some offensive momentum this year, and Smith can only help the situation.

16. San Diego *: Everette Brown, DE, Florida State
Rationale: San Diego's offense is electric, but their defense put them in a huge hole early this season. Brown's a tremendous pass rusher with a good nose for the football, and he's a good fit here.

17. New York Jets: Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland
Rationale: Blame Favre for their collapse if you want, but it's not like he was throwing to Jerry Rice. Coles isn't getting younger, Cotchery, while solid, isn't a #1, and Dustin Keller's still a few years away from reaching his potential. Heyward-Bey has gears, and is a true gamebreaker on offense.

18. Chicago: Percy Harvin, WR, Florida
Rationale: Harvin's got tremendous speed, and him and Hester on the same side spells trouble for secondaries, even if it IS Kyle Orton throwing the ball.

19. Tampa Bay: Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia
Rationale: Jeff Garcia's career seems to be winding down, and it's time to look for his replacement. Stafford isn't great, and I'm not sure how good he'll be without a marquee running back alongside him, but TB thrives on keeping pressure off the QB, so it's a good fit.

20. Detroit (from Dallas): Brandon Spikes, LB, Florida
Rationale: Here, Detroit takes a linebacker to put alongside future star Ernie Sims. Those two and Jenkins should grow together, forming the foundation of a solid defense down the road.

21. Arizona *: Javon Ringer, RB, Michigan State
Rationale: Chris Wells makes sense here, too, but the Cards already have a power runner in Tim Hightower. Ringer should be the dash to Hightower's smash, and with both being young, they've got time to mesh together.

22. Philadelphia *: Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri
Rationale: Philly will probably go lineman-lineman with their two picks in the first round, but that's a stupid way to go when you have more urgent needs elsewhere. Donovan McNabb has nobody to throw to save for DeSean Jackson, and adding Maclin gives opposing secondaries another young deep threat to worry about.

23. Minnesota *: Tim Tebow, QB, Florida
Rationale: How much do you trust Tarvaris Jackson? Answer: You don't. Tebow's got some flaws, but there's no denying his ability to lead a team, and he's got tons of ways to beat defenses.

24. New England: Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois
Rationale: NE could go linebacker as well, but there aren't many big-name ones to speak of. Davis is the second-best CB in the draft behind Jenkins, and he should develop very nicely.

25. Atlanta *: Sen'Derrick Marks, DT, Auburn
Rationale: If Atlanta wants to build upon their success this year, they need to improve their run defense. Marks was the lone good part of Auburn's terrible season, and he'll be a very good pro.

26. Miami *: D.J. Moore, CB/S, Vanderbilt
Rationale: Moore is the best corner left, and Miami desperately needs to improve their pass defense. Like Atlanta, their pick is a necessary, need-based pick for a team looking to stay at a high level after struggling in 2007.

27. Baltimore *: Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State
Rationale: Baltimore needs a target for Joe Flacco to throw to. Ideally, there'd be a wideout here, but Pettigrew is the next best thing. He's a good blocker as well as a good receiver, and he'll fit in well with the ball-control offense.

28. Philadelphia (from Carolina)*: Ciron Black, OT, LSU
Rationale: NOW you take the lineman. Philly's line isn't getting younger, and Black is the best player available for a team that could use him.

29. Indianapolis *: Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama
Rationale: Indy's run defense, as usual, is terrible. Cody doesn't have much experience, but that means more room to grow in the long run. He'll be a good one for a perennial contender.

30. New York Giants *: Chris Wells, RB, Ohio State
Rationale: If Brandon Jacobs leaves, there will be, excuse the pun, a Giant-sized hole in the backfield. Ward and Bradshaw are similar backs, but Wells provides a bonafide short-yardage and power threat to change pace.

31. Pittsburgh *: Duke Robinson, G, Oklahoma
Rationale: This team's one hole is on the O-line. They may very well trade up to get a marquee tackle, but for now, Robinson is the pick. He's by far the best guard in the draft, and is easily the best lineman available at this point.

32. Tennessee *: BJ Raji, DT, Boston College
Rationale: If they don't resign Albert Haynesworth, they could use another talented nose tackle. I could also see them taking a QB if a good one slips to here, but for now, Raji's the pick,

Welcome!

So given my nature for rambling on all things sports, entertainment, sports entertainment, and other random facets of life, I've decided to create a blog. For those who don't know me and stumbled upon this by some twist of fate, here's a brief introduction...

- I'm a junior at Ithaca College in Ithaca, New York, majoring in TV/Radio and minoring in both Speech Communication and Sport Studies.

- I'm a huge sports fan, both playing and watching. I PA announce all Ithaca sports, and I work on the sports radio staffs at the college doing sportscasts, broadcasting games, and hosting/engineering sports talk shows.

- Other interests I have: Poker, some pro wrestling, all things TV, good movies, debating EVERYTHING.

I'll be posting rants, raves, opinion pieces, and previews and reviews of all sorts of forms of entertainment. Hence the name Swiss Army Knife Critic; I don't hesitate to tear apart anything.

I encourage you, the readers, to leave comments and send e-mails, because without readers and interactions with them, there's no blog (at least, there's no fun in regularly posting entries ON a blog). Let me know what you think at what you want me to talk about; I may not agree, but it's always fun to discuss hotly-debated topics of various degrees of importance, from whether or not Barack Obama will be a good president to whether or not Erin Andrews is the best-looking woman in sports broadcasting (she is, but Rachel Nichols is pretty as well). Just keep it civil and semi-respectful, that's my only request.

My e-mail address is achampa1@ithaca.edu, and I'll enable comments on every post I make. Enjoy the blog!