WHAT THE HELL, BRET?!

We start off with a bang, as former (tasteful) model gets rushed to the hospital. The girls actually show some heart here, and Bret visits her in the hospital. Like Willis McGahee, she will not return. Rats; she was OK.

While he's there, the girls find out they're going to Chicago. In true Brazilian fashion the Brazilian opens the tequila. Oh dear. They go into a casino's auditorium, where the challenge is for the women, all of whom are scantily-clad, to dismantle a concert set. The girls run up to the set, and hilarity ensues...that is, before snobby Penthouse pet takes a SICK bump off the stage after doing pretty much everything asked of her. Everyone cringes, but she COMPLETELY no-sells it and springs back up, all the while crying through her tasks.

The rest of the task is sort of a mess, but the winners are two Blontourage girls, tattooed brunette, Brazilian, and pseudo ice-skating brunette. One of the members of the losing team will get randomly selected for VIP access as well...and it's blonde from Utah. So the winners go up to the stage, while the losers watch from the cheap seats. The highlight: The Brazilian gives a gift originally from Bret to her to fans. Impressively low-class; you know that if it was tequila, you'd have to grab it from her cold, dead hands.

So everyone parties, and ice-skating brunette strikes up a conversation with Bret's drummer. And she kisses him. Hoo boy. Of course, this is a no-no with the Blontourage, and a brawl breaks out on the casino floor. Joey Styles?

CATFIGHT!!! CATFIGHT!!!

It turns into a she said-she said fight, and naturally nobody's in a friendly mood. It carries over to breakfast, and at lunch, the issues spill out with Bret in the room. Bret finds out the dirt on Brazilian and ice-skater, and we head to eliminations. We come down to Brazilian, ice-skating kisser, and another girl...and Brazilian goes home.

WHAT THE HELL? Bret, I recap your shows, I find humor in the absurd, and you eliminate two sources of unintentional comedy in the past two shows? And there's two more weeks until the latest episode? This season had some promise, but the past two episodes have been sort of hit-and-miss (even on the bad scale to which I enjoy it).